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My Son Didn't Wreck My Body, I Did!

I hear Moms talk about accepting their bodies as a result of having children quite often (baby weight) . In fact, I hear people use the same reasoning with me when I'm less accepting of my body (i.e. when we, women/moms, call ourselves FAT). The thing is, MY body isn't the way it is because of my son and I'm not just gonna be OKAY with it.

We all have a different perception of a "wrecked body". To be quite honest, I'm not looking at yours. I don't even care. I'm so fixated on how I "feel", not how I feel people perceive me, but how I feel in my clothes (or out of them) ...that the way you think I feel about how you look is just a figment of your imagination.

Let's revert back a bit. Before I got pregnant with my son (August 1998), I was just over 100 lbs. I might have peaked at 105 lbs. on a "bad" day / week / month. 9 months later I stepped on the scale, the day after my son's due date and I weighed 142 lbs. This just so happened to be the day I gave birth to my son.

There's nothing wrong with 142 lbs. for someone else. I'm built with TINY bones. I've always been "skinny" per se. 142 lbs. for me is something else. Before I go into that, let me tell you that about a year after I had my son, I was in the best shape I've ever been. I lost all the baby weight and then some. I guess you could say I was fortunate in the fact that my son's father and I weren't together (single mom), so I had every other weekend off and I would go out dancing with friends. Dancing, along with a kick towards organic and natural foods likely helped me maintain MY ideal figure.

I found what I felt like was MY ideal weight, around 115 lbs. at 5 ft. 4 inches. It seemed to be a happy medium! Around 2004, I started gaining weight. I don't recall which year I hit 142 lbs. because after that it just kept going. When I reached 150 lbs. I knew I had to do something. At this point, it wasn't baby weight. My son was at least 5 years old.

From 115 lbs. to 150 lbs. I experienced multiple woes, including joint pain in my knees, shoulders and back due to my endowment, overall fatigue due to my weight and quite frankly, all of that made me depressed.

In 2013 (my son was 12 - that's NOT BABY WEIGHT) I learned about a supplement that eventually afforded me the desire to work out and eat healthier, in turn a 23 lb. weight loss, more energy, a better overall mood, relief of joint discomfort among many other things. I even signed up to sell the product. Without making an effort to actually sell it, I made money. The product kind of sold itself. It worked, but it was super expensive so I had to quit taking it, among other reasons.

Now, I'm back at a weight that I despise and I fear that the Mr. won't be attracted to me eventually, as a result. I can't let this happen. Take the Mr. out of the picture and I still feel disgusted. I was "skinny", got pregnant, lost weight, reached a "healthy weight" for MY body and then reached a weight that was equal to or exceeded the weight from the day I gave birth to my son. That's NOT okay. It's NOT baby weight.

I'm sorry, but because I know that I can do it, I'm not just going to accept my body as it is. I'd love to post pictures, but quite frankly, we all have different perceptions. Your ideal body may not be the same as mine. My son is 17 years old. There's no time to place blame on a teenager. Give yourself a couple of years and that's it. After that it's time for you to bite the bullet and get in shape!

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Is your body healthy? Is your body in pain? Do you feel comfortable in your body? If you don't, no matter what society says, you should do something about it, FOR YOU!

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  1. Very nice! Thank you for sharing. I agree that you have to be comfortable with yourself. It doesn't matter what others think. Being 5'0 and 132 lbs I feel completely overweight and uncomfortable. I absolutely HATE when people tell me that I don't need to lose weight (I am dieting) because I DO need to lose it because I am NOT comfortable in my body at this weight. Not to mention that I am considered overweight. This is a great post. I love that you left photos out because not everyone will think the same way that you do about your body.

  2. Hi Joyce! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I held on to this post for a few MONTHS, just because I didn't want to raise the controversy of "weight obsession". I would be fine at my current weight if it were distributed properly and it was muscle versus fat. In fact, I wouldn't even look at the scale. One day, I'll just know when I feel comfortable again.

    About a year ago I did and unbeknownst to me I had lost 13 lbs, then it turned into 27 lbs. I felt better, I had far more energy and my clothes were falling off a little bit.

    I actually wore a bikini last year for the first time in like 10 years. I wasn't supermodel material or even the queen of fitness, but I felt good about myself even with belly rolls....just because it was less than I had seen in a long time.

    I still had (have) a long way to go towards my fitness goals. A coworker inspires me every day to be more active. She's 50 (15 years old than me) and she's running 1/2 marathons and she looks healthy. She's not emaciated, she's in shape and she's doing great things with her life. You can tell fitness and healthy lifestyle changes have really made in impact in her life. She's just plain happy.

    I guess I do pay attention to a few others, but purely in an inspirational manner. Plus, me and my coworker talk about good for you foods and drinks.

    Oh, I could go on and on. I think I might have to start a motivational series about health & wellness (even though some of the recipes I make are totally anti-healthy). I actually have another blog entirely dedicated to that, but I no longer post there and plan to move all my posts to this site.

    Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! It means a lot to me and I hope it means a lot to you to know that you're not alone.




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